3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
