and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
