We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
