The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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