He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
