It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
