I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
