Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
