matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize