conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
