My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
