Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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