dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
