I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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