paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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