I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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