Your face is a jimmy john
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We have started to decorate penises.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
