I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
