...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
