I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
