fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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