I CAN MOONWALK!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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