u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
