I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
