and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
