HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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