She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
