i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
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He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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