Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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