My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
