Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
