I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
