i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
