We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
