you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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