If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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