Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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