You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
