Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
