we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
