HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
