I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
