I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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