i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
