At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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