I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
