All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
