If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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