How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
