Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
