Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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