Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
