just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
