so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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