I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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