well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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