I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
