i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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