so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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