I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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