one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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