kristin has been a bad kristin
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
