Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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