Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
