i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
