thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
