No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Randomize
