this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
