I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
