I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
