I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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