My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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