I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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