just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
