Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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